The "I" of a Storm...

I’m sitting in a beautiful house in NC, staring out at the oceanfront, unfortunately watching  a storm.  Far from the spectacular sunrise I hoped to enjoy before hitting the road again, the wind is strong and the temperature has dropped drastically over night.  I have to admit I’m a little disappointed.

I was hoping, I guess to harness the full power of my creative energy here, which seems to rise and fall with the ocean tides. This is my last day… my last chance… and all I see are clouds. 

I am overwhelmed with the desire to do something, yet so far, all I have managed is the strength to make coffee and sit in an uncomfortable chair. 

I stare aimlessly at the abyss. Until suddenly a vulture appears.  The bird is huge;  wings spread, he remains magically suspended mid-air. Like a kite on a string, he is not moving.  He makes no effort to move.  I ponder if he’s hunting, searching for prey in the dunes below. But realize his gaze is straight ahead.   Next I ponder how he arrived there, as I’d been staring out at the sky for sometime. I saw no bird approaching. 

Having dabbled in shamanism, I take this as a sign.  Unfortunately the spiritual messages carried by vultures can be interpreted in a variety of ways.  They can represent death, the need for cleansing and purity, etc.  Yet they can also serve as a reminder to not fight the wind, but work with it.  Given the current state of the sky, I take this as the correct interpretation.

Truth be told, I am trying to start a movement with Elephant Dung.  And I feel like I’m fighting the wind.  Over the last few months, I have been compelled to take up the torch and launch a discussion about the inter-personal, social and physical ramifications of a spiritual awakening. Honestly, I have no idea why most spiritual influencers seem to ignore this construct. Perhaps they fear that admitting that they still visit the ego realm, will discredit the validity of their awakening. 

This morning, for example, I saw a post on Facebook where a self-proclaimed enlightened man was describing the constant state of bliss he now experiences.  Apparently he is living in nirvana, while I’m standing in the rain, waiting for my puppy to poop. 

Which of course, leads me to wonder:  Am I somehow missing the boat? Or is he? 

Yet, when I look at the physical lives of so many spiritual teachers, I clearly see the existence of - and need for - a continued ego space.  Many are married, or divorced. Many have children. Ram Dass openly admitted in 1976, that he followed a crazy woman, Jaya into an embarrassing mistake which lasted several years and potentially damaged his credibility.  (Read his version of the story: Egg on my Beard.)  Likewise, Jack Kornfield published an amazing book on the subject:  After Enlightenment, The Laundry, (2000),  in which he interviews a variety of enlightened masters, all of whom seem to agree that life in form continues, mundane problems and all. This is inline with my experience. 

Post-awakening, for me at least, is a space where both worlds exist simultaneously.  You don’t exchange one for the other - you don’t loose your ego and randomly float off into bliss forever.  Instead you must learn to navigate in both worlds.  (Now resting in the I AM, and simply visiting the “I”) 

Yet there is so much emphasis on how to awaken, and almost none explaining what happens next.  It seems ridiculous to encourage people to dabble in the spiritual arts - lead them to an awakening, and then simply abandon them there.  Many are left with an expectation that they will somehow maintain this incredible bliss state forever.  Thus when ego engagement inevitable returns, they worry that the awakening never happened.  This is the space of Elephant Dung!

Of course I am aware that there are individuals who cross the great divide and become fully enlightened beings, never to return again.  In fact, there is a process of leaving the body so completely during meditation, that you literally appear to be dead for years. (Google Tibetan Buddhist monks meditative death.)  But let's face it, most of us aren’t going to get there in this lifetime.

And in the meantime, we’re left to navigate this void alone. Where are the teachings - the signpost for those in this space?  Who is willing to be open and honest about of that happens next, after an awakening, but before a true enlightenment?  Too many of us are left here, standing in dung, and  someone, it seems, needs to get the ball rolling.

Yet as I watch this brilliant black vulture effortlessly navigate the storm,  perhaps I am being told to rest.  To allow.  To surrender.   That the time will come - the storm will pass… and there is nothing, here in this moment, to do.

Nothing perhaps, but have a second cup of coffee.